I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize