Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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