I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
