It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
