Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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