Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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