I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
