so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
