have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They have beer where we have blood.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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