Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
