The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
