i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
