i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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