I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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