ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
