my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
