just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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