I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
