yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
