i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
