She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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