Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
