Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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