dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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