We got so high we made milksteak
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
