brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im holly from the hills drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
