With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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