I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize