Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
