the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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