Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize