Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
