Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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