im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
