I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
