If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
that is very illegal...i love you.
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