Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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