Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize