He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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