I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
