He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
