I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
