I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
