just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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