How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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