If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
