It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
