My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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