You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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