yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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