I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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