mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
