Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
