Plan B is the new Plan A
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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