your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
