I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
