her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You took a bar mat shot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
