So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
