we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
