i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
