omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
