Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize