We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How does it feel to date your dad?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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