I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
