Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
